tools explaned

[poil27]

Tools Explained


1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.


2. WIRE WHEEL:Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shiit!'

3. SKILL SAW:A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short or electrical cords a smaller length. Name does not necessarily imply the intellect of the operator.

4. PLIERS:Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

5. BELT SANDER:An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

6. HACKSAW:One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

7. VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

8. OXYACETYLENE TORCH:Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

9. TABLE SAW:A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

10. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

11. BAND SAW:A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

12. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

13. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

14. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
butchering your palms.

15. PRY BAR:A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

16. HOSE CUTTER:A tool used to make hoses too short.

17. HAMMER:Originally employed as a ****** of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

18. UTILITY KNIFE:Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes or appendages, but only while in use.

19. SON-OF-A-***** TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[FootedShaft]

Poil27, great explanation of "tools" !! lol
Bill :)

[Mudbug]

LOL I love this list it's so true !

Just last week I was working on a part that I wanted to drill 3 different size holes in and also tap one of the holes.......

I thought I had everything planned out ....

I had the first size drill I needed firmly set in the chuck.....I had planned ahead and set the other two sized drills that I would need on the bed of the drill press along with the tap ......

I had no fear of the drill jamming in the part and spinning around because I had two bolts bolted to the deck from the last time I drilled something and they were just rite to hold my part from spinning ....

now thinking I had thought of everything I put a the bit to the first mark to be drilled gave it a nice squirt of lube and start drilling!......

all is well until that moment where the drill is just about to pass through the part and the whole bed starts spinning and throwing everything I needed to finish the job all over my insanely messy garage because for some reason the lock bolt had been backed off allowing the bed to spinn fast enough that it was just a blurr . ....

About 4 shots of JD later I was able to stop grinding my teeth